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Archive for Love
Sep
07
Rules of Attraction
Posted by: | Comments![Passion-107[3].jpg](http://lh4.ggpht.com/_OXTOSfdEeDo/TE1tEhuIGjI/AAAAAAAAA_g/XA5W4g9bA7o/Passion-107%5B3%5D.jpg?imgmax=800)
What governs human attraction has a lot of theories out there. I find the topic fascinating! I have noticed that my own history indicates there is no one answer. I can see that one of the elements that attracts me to someone is a personality type. There seems to be similarities in personality types even if I later found out the personality I was attracted to didn’t exist.
However physical attraction is another story. There is no similarities in my past and yet the attraction was there. Then you see a lot of people who are models or what is considered attractive and I really don’t find them appealing. It is really a mystery. Well not entirely. I have my own theory even if it is incomplete.
Obviously there is no simple answer to these questions about attraction. I mean you just have to look around and you can see by the couples that are out there that beauty is different for everyone. What I consider to be gorgeous someone else may not. That’s both physical and emotional not to mention the spiritual. I mean what makes someone physically attractive to us can’t always be explained. Is physical attraction not really physical but a more spiritual thing?
My simplified theory is that attraction operates on a system that consists of a number of points. Let’s for argument say ten different points. Within those ten things there are some that are for physical, some for emotional and some for spiritual. So although we may find someone physically attractive we definitely don’t find them emotionally or spiritually attractive. So for there to be a connection enough of those elements have to match the other person. They may get all our physical points or just some. The key is they have to match our own points for there to be a mutual attraction. It really is like DNA matching.
I know this may be hard to follow but it really is a complicated matching process. I have a long drawn out version of my theory but I don’t want to get into it too far and drive you all crazy. I do however believe by far the spiritual is the most important draw card. It makes us see the beauty in someone. This explains and could in part override other factors. It explains the phrase ‘opposites attract’.
Overall the point is that we are all different and that’s what makes the world so awesome. I love the fact that there is someone for everyone in this world and that is what makes life so amazing.
Aug
15
The Debate Continues
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We are having a continuing debate around the issue of gay marriage around here. The debate is because it is such a hot topic at the moment (as usual) and looking at the different opinions in an objective way.
The debate is due to the fact that views are diverse not just in the straight world but also in the gay world. So where is the real issue in my mind at this point. I keep hearing the argument that marriage is a biblical tradition or tradition for straight couples and I can see where people might think this. I mean in the past marriage has been traditionally seen between straight pairs. The argument that this should remain a straight tradition seems rather slim to me. The reason being that just because the word has a historical meaning doesn’t mean that it can’t change, just look at an old dictionary versus a modern one. Also marriage is a deeply personal thing and has been performed over the centuries by non-religious people. Christianity isn’t the only instigator of marriage. In fact less and less people utilise a religious leader to perform marriage. So really that argument is void.
Also the government’s decision in Australia to maintain that marriage is between a man and a woman seems to be more a political stunt than a fair decision. I mean we have a political state that means politicians are not allowed to have personal opinions but only the opinion of the party. To avoid problems they more and more make the statement that they personally agree with the party’s policy or stance but there is no room for a different view unless they are given the ok for a conscience vote or view. So politicians are really screwed. The funny thing is there are many other religious based areas that are ok to disregard. We have a Prime Minister who technically is living in sin which is not allowed. We have Ministers who are openly gay which is not allowed. Married people cheat (more about cheating in an upcoming post) which is not allowed biblically. We live in a country where religious organisations put enormous pressure on political parties to do what they want. However we apparently live in a country where there is a separation of church and state.
When will politicians look at doing what is right and ensuring that discrimination does not exist. If you are going to make some decisions based on religious beliefs than make all of them based on religious beliefs. However sometimes politicians need to not follow the money but do what is right. Otherwise they are just followers and not leaders. Show some balls and do what is right.
Jun
10
The Anniversary
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Well today is officially the one year anniversary since my life changing relationship ended. It may not have been the last relationship but it was long and it ended badly. So it is probably the one relationship that took the most to recover from. At the same time, it was really a life changing relationship and I will remember the good in the relationship for far longer than the bad. It was a draining relationship because communication was never really there. Unfortunately J’s answer to everything was to ignore it and wait for it to go away or simply pretend it doesn’t exist. Unfortunately in the end if a relationship doesn’t have open communication then it really can’t last. Being involved with someone with a high level of aspergers was always going to be tough but I knew that from the beginning and was willing to deal with those issues.
Unfortunately even though I was committed to seeing it through in the end he wasn’t. It was heartbreaking and really the way it ended (very sudden) took it’s toll on me. It took a very long time to move on and during the healing stages I unfortunately made some bad decisions including dating when I shouldn’t have. As can sometimes happen after a relationship ends you eventually find out about the lies and deceit that was going on and that just made the hurt even more painful. However as time went on the hurt became less and I was able to forgive. Since the breakup I know that J has unfortunately continued to hurt people and I just hope that some day (and I’m sure it will happen) he will be able to recognise what is truly important and be happy.
There is no doubt that I will always love J deeply. I may not be in love with him but the love I have for him will be there forever. I accept that and will be there if he ever needs me, however my hurt has gone and I have moved onto better things and people. I have realised that there are good people in this world who would never intentionally hurt you and who are loyal and caring. I always knew they were out there but I’m beginning to discover them. What I have found is that by surrounding myself with good people, more good people follow. Ok, there is some trash in there but I quickly remove the trash lol. I believe that the universe has been good to me and I look forward to the future. It is shaping up nicely.
May
31
Progress
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Things are changing. It’s only 5 sleeps until I move into my new place. Moving to a new city is a big thing. Although I feel quite stressed at the moment due to the move and then post move finalising the place I’m in at the moment is a huge stress. However in some alternate universe I am feeling a huge sense of peace and relief.
This move is not only a change of scenery but also a complete change in my life, a fresh start. The thing is I know I would be ok if I stayed but I feel that this change has a lot of significance for me. I have always seen my life like a book and all of a sudden I feel like this is the last step in concluding a chapter in my book.
I can see every reason the universe brought me to this town and I do not regret it in the least. I have had a lot of great experiences and even though I found and lost love here I feel blessed that I got to experience the love I did. However I realised that as long as I am here I cannot close the chapter entirely. So the time came to move.
In fact as soon as I had consciously decided to work towards closing this chapter I felt a certain amount of relief. I had to work through a lot of issues but things did become clearer. I started to really heal from my last long term relationship and started to see the reality of who he was. That helped me heal a lot.
Once I did that my world started to change. I started to see clearly, the move fell into place and into my life comes good genuine people and one in particular who has shown me that life and love can be good. On Friday afternoon I get to pick up the keys to my new place and in a little over a week I will have finalised the house I am in now. From that point on it’s full steam ahead. I can see how awesome things are turning out to be and I can’t wait to put the stress of the move behind me so I can just enjoy the changes. Stay tuned for the details of the move as they unfold lol.
May
26
Sarah Oleksyk & Loneliness
Posted by: | CommentsSarah Oleksyk is an awesome artist and one of her comics struck me as being so amazing on the topic of loneliness. I can’t take credit for stumbling across this. In fact it was Liam who found me during his search for them as he had one slide but was searching for the rest. Liam, thank you for this. Talking to you was amazing and I can tell that you are healing from your hurt and know that the future will be great.
So here are the four slides. I have included them as thumbnails so you can click and get a full size image. Enjoy and thanks to Liam again for finding them and Sarah for creating them.
May
26
Protective WTF!
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Sometimes I find my own personality startling lol. I find no matter how badly relationships ended I am still very protective. I have a couple of ex boyfriends who just lie about me to make themselves feel better about how a relationship went or ended, one in particular who tells some amazing stories which everyone who knows us (even those who I wasn’t friends with) realises they are complete fabrication.
The thing is I find myself being very protective of those from my past. No matter what they did or who they are now, when it comes down to it I still love and care about them and am very protective of them. I would still be there in a second if they were in trouble. It doesn’t mean I like who they are but of course I still love them.
I had a situation recently where someone from my present had a situation where they were drawn into a confrontation with someone from my past. Although the person from my present was completely in the right and the one from the past decided to focus on others instead of himself, I still felt a little protective.
Here are two people I care about who have intersected in life momentarily. It’s not a comfortable feeling. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was all calm but this was like two missiles coming together and exploding.
Either way, the past is in the past and hopefully it’s over and we can all get on with our lives. I know I just want to move on. These kinds of things happen for a reason, to teach us. I think this one is to test how I will handle the situation. I think I have done ok. I also think it’s time for me to sit down with the person from my present and discuss the one from my past simply because I want the one from my present to know and understand where I have come from. Even though a year ago I was hurt and betrayed by someone and hurt more than anyone has ever hurt me before it doesn’t mean I don’t care. In fact I may not like him but I will always love him and hope that someday he is happy. I just hope no one else gets hurt by him but unfortunately that is unlikely.
Life is precious. Don’t hate anyone. Don’t hurt anyone. Don’t betray anyone. Stay honest and be happy. Build a life alone or with someone you love and don’t get involved in others drama. Just be happy.
May
14
StevieD’s ToE on Emotional Bonds
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I tend to write posts because I believe I need to express something. Usually it comes from several different reminders all coming at the same time from different angles.
Several times over the last few days I have been reminded of the bonds I have with people. Some are very strong and others are not so strong. Generally the type of connections I am referring to are deep bonds. The ones that involve total trust and although you are not completely sure why they are always there, they just are.
This involves my ToE or Theory of Everything. Or at least one of them. My ToE revolves around the fact that everything is connected in this world. However due to whatever reason, whether it be past lives (if you believe in that) or whatever you cannot explain, we have at times exceptionally strong emotional bonds with some people. Personally I like to think that these come from unlocking a key between the two souls that once unlocked is open forever. I’m not sure how the key is turned but it happens.
That connection or bond is primarily emotional and spiritual. It can manifest itself physically or just with physical attraction. The reason for this seems to me to come back to the emotional bond. I guess that makes sense because when you have a deep emotional connection with someone you find them attractive. Looks really are skin deep.
The one thing I have learned over the years is that unlocking these doors can be a life changing event even if we never admit to it ourselves. The reason is that once these doors are open they cannot be closed no matter how much we try. I think it’s a sign that there should be a connection of some kind. I’ll give you a positive example of my theory first. There is someone in my life who I got involved with more years back than what I care to remember. We spent a significant amount of time in a relationship but it just didn’t work. We always knew something was wrong but always knew something kept us together. When the time came to go our separate ways we knew, just completely knew it was only to allow emotional healing from the relationship and we would continue that connection at some point. That’s exactly what happened. Ten years later we are still connected and that emotional relationship is stronger than ever. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it and visa versa. That connection doesn’t cause me any issues because it is open and complete.
However there have been times in my life where I feel that door was unlocked where I know even though both of us have similar feelings that there is something missing because the connection hasn’t been nurtured. Don’t misunderstand, I know for a fact that due to circumstances that friendship hasn’t been developed and I know it hangs over me because I feel that hole in my soul. It’s not like that hole is because of anything bad, probably just a result of circumstance and not complete understanding of what it was. I live with that every day and I accept that. I do think it will always feel like something is missing but we are human and it’s out of my hands.
Another example of this is when you have that kind of bond with someone and they die. Yes there is the grief of losing someone. But when you have the spiritual connection I am referring to, it won’t matter what the rest of your life holds, even if it’s the most amazing life, you will never be able to get rid of that feeling that a part of your soul is missing.
I believe these connections are possible in everyone and with everyone, in theory, but the universe only opens them up when they are truly at their strongest. I know I feel connected to the universe and I know those few people I feel that deep bond with are people they are meant to be with. I think everyone should think about this and take the time to look at your own lives and remember those that you have that connection to. It’s why we are on this planet, or at least one of the reason’s.
