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Archive for March, 2008
Mar
31
Merging into Relationship
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Do you like my simplistic drawing? Well it’s the best I could do to help me explain my thoughts on this topic. I thought it important to share my view on relationships (what a surprise) and how I see a relationship best working in relation to the two people involved. I think this is relevent to any partner relationship but to a degree could be similar in close friendships.
I think one of the hardest parts of being in a relationship is how to integrate your lives together. When two people meet you have two very seperate lives which is represented by the red and green. When you start getting closer it’s essential for the sake of the relationship to build a life together. This should be the predomiannt ‘life’ you have together which is the purple circle. When two people enter into a relationship you are there to build a life together and that should be the strongest of all bonds. Now the tuff stuff happens.
What then occurs is finding a balance of maintaining elements of your life as yours. However as shown in blue it is essential that you each have some of your lives that were individual prior to the relationship merge. These are the things and people that you share. Now where people are concerned I believe as a couple you should (blue) be introducing and allowing your partner to build relationships with to generalise amyone that is truly important to you. So this blue section at a bare minimum would include family and close friends, those you care about. That’s not to say it stops there but if you are going to build a life together you do need to incorporate those most important to you into your joint relationship.
I know I’ve been a simplistic but I cannot express enough how I feel about this. It’s something I have made a priority in my life. Mainly because when you enter into a relationship, or particularly one that you intend to see last I feel that you are building something and that includes a family. Two people can still be a family. Sometimes I think in the shallowness of the gay world that we forget that what we are building is a family. Just because it may not have kids doesn’t make it any less a family.
So consider this next time you get into a relationship. It’s part of what makes your family great.
Mar
30
WordPress
Posted by: | CommentsJust a quick update. I am looking for a new theme for my blog. Something a little darker and something a little different. So what happens I find two that I love. Unfortunately at the moment they have two sidebars which is good, but only one on each is widget ready. The other is a standard sidebar. So I’m trying to find someone to help me convert this so when I do I’ll load up the new template. If not I’ll keep looking until I find one I like that is ready.
On the other side, wordpress have just updated to a new version which is meant to be fantastic although most of the changes are in the back office. I will wait until my host has this ready for a one click upgrade before doing it so I’m really looking forward to this.
As for normal posting, I will get there. I do have a few things in draft and I want to give the Inner Circle an update as well. I think I will do this all over time and when I am motivated. That could be anytime between now (if I get the sudden urge) and the next couple of days. So stay tuned and thank you to all my loyal readers.
Mar
29
Themes
Posted by: | CommentsJust a quick note to say over the next couple of weeks I’ll be playing with some wordpress themes. So don’t be surprised if things change frequently. I am just playing at the moment trying to find things I like. I’m in the mood for change.
Mar
26
Crazy
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Sometimes I honestly think I’m crazy. In fact sometimes I know I am. But over the last little while my confidence has taken a battering. Not due to anything or anyone in particular but simply because of a series of events. Along with the lack of confidence I began to think I was going nuts. This was in every way, whether it be me questioning my own beliefs to questioning how I do simple things like the checking of certain paperwork at the office.
Now I realise that what I’ve been going through is not necessarily a bad thing because it has made me evaluate or look closely at what I believe to be reality. See now you can see I’m crazy lol. The area I have been feeling the lowest in is about relationships. Not necessarily my own but partly, but just in general. What is it, a relationship or coupling of two gay men? Is it different to a straight couple? Well in that respect (thanks MJ), yes it is. As gay men we don’t have the same breeding that straight people do. In a straight relationship you are raised to believe what that is. We are never taught what a gay relationship is. So as gay men we struggle to sort out whether we want the white picket fence or do we create our own. For me I want something in-between. I want the love and commitment and the devotion, but I don’t know that I necessarily want the kids and dual SUV’s.
Anyway, getting off topic. I have always believed and still believe that a union is the joining of two souls. A relationship is about change. When we enter into a relationship we have to change. I have to give up certain things or at the very least compromise some things. For example I know when entering a relationship that you take on an additional family so you invest in that family. I know that although we may not see friends as often as we used to because I’m investing the time in my relationship, we still see them and I know they know they are just as important to me. If they don’t understand that then they were never really friends. Another example is that I put a little less time (not effort) into my job because the extra hours I was doing before are now better spent on the person I love.
The general thing I’ve learnt is that because when we enter into a relationship everything is spread a little more thinly. That’s not bad but there is a knack to it. We struggle with that spread for some time and end up going crazy in the process. Love and relationships with a partner must be a priority because that is my future. People will come and go but I want my partner to be in my life forever. Now that may or may not be possible but that’s the goal.
Mar
25
Mobile Phone #
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I was reading a post over at inside Stephen about how he is careful when giving out his mobile number. It appears he slipped and was mobile stalked. I then happened to be reading on Lifehacker that QANTAS are about to start allowing sms/txt and email on some domestic flights.
Firstly I’ve found you have to very careful who you give your digits to. I don’t see the point in just handing it out to anyone who wants it, because that would be ridiculous. I’m not 15 and don’t need the attention. Also the danger is that you’ll hand it out to someone who will do exactly what happened to Stephen and that is be relentless in txt’s. It appears this can also be a generational thing. It appears the younger generation think that txt is like breathing and I for one don’t have a need to receive a dozen or two txt each day. The only person who should send me that many txt’s is my boyfriend lol. I’ve managed to hold onto my mobile number for about 15 years and I don’t want to have to change it now. I’m sure that time will happen inevitably without the help of random people. Seriously I don’t want to txt people for the sake of txting. I want people in my life who will add value.
The to see QANTAS going down this road I can just imagine what it will be like. To a point I think it is the way of the future and can serve some use but seriously if you can’t go for a couple of hours without it than I think your life may need re-evaluating. You can just imagine the annoying beeping of messages coming through to people in planes. If babies crying weren’t bad enough lol.
Anyway, that’s my rant for today.
Mar
24
