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Archive for July, 2009
Jul
30
What is it?
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After going through my recent breakup, I have thought a lot about what it is I really want in a relationship. You know what it’s not that complicated. I have thought a lot about this but with very little criteria as it were.
I really only want a few things. Someone who loves me and shows it, someone who is affectionate, someone honest and someone who works together and treats you like a partner, building a life together.
That’s really it.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask for. I know there are plenty of guys out there like this but it’s just finding them. Love is a great thing and I am a true believer. Even after going through my breakup I realised that I still am a believer. This breakup really had nothing to do with me and was his meltdown and inability to communicate.
So now as I start a new chapter in my life I am ready to see what is out there. I have met a few really nice people lately and know that eventually someone will come into my life that shares my values and passion. I’m not a fan of the dating process, I could easily meet someone and get straight to the relationship lol, but I’m also wanting to get to know some new people and see what happens. So here we go on the new journey. Stay tuned for more.
Jul
26
The Story
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Well it’s not really the story because that is something I’m not ready to share with everyone. However as I have mentioned my partner and I split. Well it probably wasn’t that simple because really it came out of nowhere and the reality is I was screwed over however that is not a conversation I want to go into because it does still hurt incredibly. Unfortunately he was also heavily albeit subtly manipulated by someone he considers a friend but maybe one day he will wake up to that. Not my problem now.
I think when something like this happens it puts into question all feelings and emotions and I have had moments where I have doubted any feelings from him because of many factors, however I realise how screwed up he is and in the end it doesn’t change how much I love him. I have never been so hurt in all my life but at the same time I love him more than I have loved anyone so really no matter how angry or hurt I feel or felt it doesn’t change the fact that the love is there. So no matter what, I know the love I have for him will live forever.
Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it’s not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldn’t give up on them. MJS.
So now it is time for me to slowly start posting again. I miss talking to you all and over time I will get back in the swing. I will get back to sharing my thoughts and feelings and sometimes unusual perspective on things. I really do miss you all and although my posts may not be as frequent as they have been for a while, I will write as the motivation strikes.
One of the things I know for a fact is that I am still a believer in love. I still feel that you can expect my idealistic views on relationships and love. Throughout my life I have had some hard knocks as most have. The thing I know is it hasn’t jaded me in the possibilities. So be prepared for those posts to continue lol. I feel quite optimistic for the future and although in some ways I am starting from scratch but I will succeed and eventually will meet someone new. Stay tuned for more………..
Jul
25
Plain White T’s
Posted by: | CommentsA new friend introduced me to a band called Plain White T’s. Now although I had heard of them I had never listened to any of their stuff. Now I’m quite addicted. Two of my favourite songs are Hate & 1234. The first of which is below. I suggest you look them up they are awesome.
Jul
20
Shaun Lewis
Posted by: | CommentsI would like to introduce Shaun. For those that haven’t met or know of Shaun he is a sweetheart. He’s a model who I thought I would share a few pictures of. One more positive for Queensland lol. If you would like to see more of Shaun, feel free to check out his FB Page HERE.
Jul
12
Protected: Day 33. Past the Month
Posted by: | CommentsJul
01
Revealed
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Hi Everyone, I know it’s been a few weeks since I last wrote and that is rare. I’m sure you have noticed all the password protected posts that have been written to the Inner Circle. Well it’s time I let you all know a few things. Public posts will return as I feel motivated and able to write them. I’ll simply ask that you bare with me as I build up to the normal pace again. There will still be some Inner Circle posts but I will endeavour to write more publicly about different things over time.
The reason for the break from writing was due to the sudden death of my relationship. My partner very suddenly left. There is still a lot of hurt and pain over this and it still doesn’t make any sense at all. The reason I say that is it came out of left field and although he still claims to be in love with me he had to leave. Now I’m not going to talk about it to much, but understand that it’s impossible to understand. There is a lot of this that can’t be explained because it’s tied up in his aspergers and unless you can comprehend that it cannot make sense and that someone with aspergers can be totally irrational due to what goes on in their head it would be a disaster for me to try and explain. I’ll leave that for my personal thoughts to the Inner Circle.
Know this. It is still very difficult for me for two reasons. One is that it doesn’t make any sense. Two is that I love him and love him more than I have loved before. As much as I think he is fucked up at the moment, it will never change the intensity or love or beauty I see in him. I still see so much beauty in him. I will not talk on here about any negative or perceived negative things because I don’t believe that is appropriate and would probably be taken the wrong way. As far as this blog goes I will remember him in the positive light and beauty that I saw our relationship.
So please be patient as I try to slowly heal.
